You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
