My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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