just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
