OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
