I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize