Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
