I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
