So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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