NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
