his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
