Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
