Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
