How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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