my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
