1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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