how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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