whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
