so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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