There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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