bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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