Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
