mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
