fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
