my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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