if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
