I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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