did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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