are you still at the devil's house?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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