I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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