your thong is hanging out like whoa
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
