I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
