I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
