That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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