I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
did you just send me my own nude
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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