"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
