I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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