how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize