the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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