bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
