I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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