I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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