wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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