But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
