nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
