During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
