i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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