True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize