She announced her abortion via fbk
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
