The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
