just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
