You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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