Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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