if you like me you must not know who I am
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
