I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
