is your mom at the bar?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
