There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize