i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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