they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize