At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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