I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
