Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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