Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
