Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
