Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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