I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
