Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
