if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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