i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
