what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
