Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
