It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
