Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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