More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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