you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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