What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
