some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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