There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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