i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
