What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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