I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
