We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
