I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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