I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize