i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate all girls vehemently.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
