I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
