my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
