You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
birth control should be required to get into college
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
