we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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