you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
