Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
