just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
