you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
