I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
