I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
